I really have been working….

It is not that I have not been writing lately, I just have not been working on my projects.  I have been pretty busy doing some freelance ghost writing, and it has kept me away from my main projects for a while.

I of course have the Phantasms project with Rikke, my own solo project (tentatively called Blood Lines), and the start of another project, but I also have some other ideas. I want to Narrate Rikke’s “Son of the Moon” as well as some creepy things off of Reddit.

I have been a little obsessed with Skinwalkers lately, after I discovered that the description closely fits what  a friend of mine saw and even possibly what my sister’s husband saw. Both of these happened in states far from each other and neither one knows the other, or even what a skinwalker was….

I also have started reading House of Leaves by mark Z. Danielewski. The concept alone is fascinating, but the story is really interesting. I will do a full review once I finish it, but so far I am really liking it.

I have also been watching Gravity Falls on TV. Very cute animated series with monsters and other paranormal creatures. Yes, it is for kids, no I don’t care.

When I have time I have also been listening to Welcome to Night ValeThe only way I can describe it is Tales from Lake Wobegon meets the X-files, but all Mulder’s theories are true…..

July 2nd – July Camp NANO

It is day too and I have finally written today’s part of the story! Sorry for the errors, this is kind of stream of consciousness. I am hoping that my friend who is doing the same prompts I am will let me post her complete story here when we are done. It will be fun to see how different or similar they are.

July 2nd

Prompt: Something lost, something found

Character: Alien Continue reading

Is this what I have been doing with my time?

I may have lost my mind. For some reason, I remembered that I owned the SIMs game. I cannot remember the last time I played it, but I got a wild hair this weekend. I could have played one of the stories I started who knows how long ago. but I decided to use our Kryos characters instead.

I tried to give them the right personalities and as much as possible the right looks. Ezra is a flirt, slightly neurotic, and no clear direction. Hunter is military with no sense of humor. And these two think I am mad as hell trying to get them together.  They cooperated so much better in the book. It is crazy how hard they are fighting a relationship.

 

Hunter  Ezra

Hunter                                                                                                   Ezra

Hunter and Ezra Ezra and Hunter

The two of them together.

Raziq

Just for fun, Raziq. Don’t kill me, Idun. Hahahahaha

I would say I need more constructive hobbies, but really, this is about as productive as I get.

~Heather

 

I may be a hoarder…

A story idea hoarder that is.  I just opened my file where I keep all my story ideas and found that it has fifteen entries. Fifteen. Four I have started, five are with other people, one of those is with Idun. 🙂 That leaves six that I have not even touched. Is there a 12 step program for that?  I keep collecting ideas like a hoarder does cats. I think this means I need to work harder. Yikes.  I also have a draft of a blog post that i need to finish here soon. I guess I can’t complain. I used to worry that I would run out of ideas, I guess that was absurd.

Self Promotion

How do you do it? I cannot figure it out. I have never tried to hide the fact that I am as neurotic as a person can be and still be considered functional. I can can get myself worked up and stressed out over anything. It is really absurd.  Today I did it just by submitting a short story to a contest.  That is something that should be fun, or exciting, but as soon as I clicked the last button I started on the negative self talk.

“That was stupid, there is no way it is good enough.”

“What makes you think you are actually a writer?”

“You should not have wasted those poor people’s time with your ridiculous story.”

The list goes on and on. I still am not sure how I ever got the courage up to submit Kryos with Idun. Even now that the book is published I still can hardly accept it.  All I can see are the flaws and the mistakes.  I know, rationally, that it is all part of the learning process, but it makes it hard to promote it.

How does a neurotic go about self promotion? My every instinct is to just brush it off.  Just the other day, a friend asked me about the book and I could not bring myself to say anything much about it. I can’t even make myself post links or anything about it on the writer’s groups I belong to on Facebook, even on the days where everyone is doing it. I am not a salesman at all.

It is kind of a shame though, we worked really hard on that story and I should be proud of it, but I let myself get in the way. I need to think of a way to promote it, without feeling like I am promoting me.  The whole look at me aspect is really hard. I understand Idun’s resistance to self-promotion, it is a cultural thing for her, but as an American, should I not be better at this?

~Heather

Been off line

I had some minor surgery (Rotator cuff repair) on the 23rd, and was not able to type with the brace on my arm. I have received permission to remove the brace if I am at home and being very careful so that means I can type! Yay!  However, never having had surgery before, I was unaware that post surgical depression was a possibility.  Depression is something I have struggled with my entire adult life, but I had no idea this would make it worse. It is not the pain.

I have had astonishingly little pain (Everyone warned me before hand that this was going to be horrible and i was going to be in agony) even now when I am running out of the post op meds.  I have some pain, nothing crazy though. The healing is going great. There is nothing to be depressed about.  I assume that the stomach trouble brought on the by the pain killers, mixed with nausea from some antibiotics, and my now sedentary lifestyle (I exercised 7 to 8 hours a week before the surgery) must all be contributing.

The worst part. Today is the first day of NANO and I am feeling too shitty to work on my project. 😦 I finally had to call my sister, crying because I felt so bad.  This sucks.  I am determined to at least start my project tonight. I don’t want to fail on the first day!

Happy NANO to everyone participating!

~Heather

What a week

The week did not go so well at work, we had the 6th round of layoffs in 3 years yesterday.  We have gone from over 400 employees to 120.  Why do I stay?  The very best I could do (pay wise) if I left is a 50% cut. So yes, I am shallow and have sold me soul for a check. I already know, but in Arkansas, even this part of the state, I do quite well for a single woman. I am by no means rich, I live in a small house, I drive a 10 year old car, I don’t have cable, I don’t buy new clothes, but I am not on food stamps either.

The worst part of these is seeing my friends, and the people I have worked with for years walking out with a cardboard box and tears in their eyes. After 10 years, you get attached to people for good or ill.

I’ve been thinking about it, and working for a dying company is a lot like a bad relationship. You give it your all, you work, you pray, you struggle and they betray you again and again. Every time they promise this time it will be better, but it is the same thing, just when you think it is OK it all falls apart again. The last time, I joked that we should all qualify as professional survivors guilt counselors by now.  Lord knows we all have enough practice.

All of this personal rambling is to say, I did not write a story today. I had already realized i was going to have to stop doing a story a day because I have two large editing projects and cannot manage to get both writing and editing done in the same evening.  By the time I get home, feed the animals, go to either Zumba or Pilates, eat dinner, do chores, and clean up, it is well after 9.  I have only enough gas left in the tank for one or the other.  I must be getting old.

Tonight I did neither.  I ate crappy food and drank a couple of drinks and am giving up and going to go read a book in bed. I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, I find myself in a mess of my own making, I am self-aware enough to see that, but I honestly have tried to believe that the company can pull itself out of the nose dive.  But I have been there before. Though it may say something about me that i have ridden two companies down into the ground like Kong on the Bomb in Dr. Strange Love. One friend tried to be nice and say that I am loyal. I am afraid I am just stupid.

Please just let me not lose my insurance before I have surgery at the end of the month! It is minor and not life threatening, but it will improve my life to get it fixed. I turned 40 and started to fall apart, now is not the time to be without insurance.

~Heather

Yes, I have a problem.

Idun, you can go ahead and make fun of me now.  I know I have been driving everyone nuts with my new obsession with Ai No Kusabi and I realized I am hopeless. Who is my favorite character?  Not Riki. Not Iason.  No, it is Katze. He is by far the coolest one in the show. Yes, Idun, he has red hair.  I can’t help myself!!! I may need help. Hahahaha

~Heather

Really?

Well.  Now I am annoyed.  I am trying to have a nice little glass of wine, not even a big glass, just a little glass, and a fly goes and drowns himself in it.  How inconsiderate! All I want to do with my Friday evening is drink a little wine and watch a little Ai No Kusabi (Thanks to Nyankoto for turning me on to that one!) and that wretched bug goes and ruins my wine.  Good thing I have vodka. 😉

~Heather