Head over to Emotional Minefield to see my post about Character Development and music.
So we are working on something which will not be published elsewhere than here for free.
Kryos is not a bad book per se, but it is written by inexperienced us years ago, and also it leaves a lot of room for improvement, and I wanted to fix those holes a little, with alternative endings (no secret I always hated the ending we were asked to make instead of the one it originally had) and filler scenes, it’s just a pet project and we have no time horizon on this, nor any direction.
I may have lost my mind. For some reason, I remembered that I owned the SIMs game. I cannot remember the last time I played it, but I got a wild hair this weekend. I could have played one of the stories I started who knows how long ago. but I decided to use our Kryos characters instead.
I tried to give them the right personalities and as much as possible the right looks. Ezra is a flirt, slightly neurotic, and no clear direction. Hunter is military with no sense of humor. And these two think I am mad as hell trying to get them together. They cooperated so much better in the book. It is crazy how hard they are fighting a relationship.
The two of them together.
Just for fun, Raziq. Don’t kill me, Idun. Hahahahaha
I would say I need more constructive hobbies, but really, this is about as productive as I get.
How do you do it? I cannot figure it out. I have never tried to hide the fact that I am as neurotic as a person can be and still be considered functional. I can can get myself worked up and stressed out over anything. It is really absurd. Today I did it just by submitting a short story to a contest. That is something that should be fun, or exciting, but as soon as I clicked the last button I started on the negative self talk.
“That was stupid, there is no way it is good enough.”
“What makes you think you are actually a writer?”
“You should not have wasted those poor people’s time with your ridiculous story.”
The list goes on and on. I still am not sure how I ever got the courage up to submit Kryos with Idun. Even now that the book is published I still can hardly accept it. All I can see are the flaws and the mistakes. I know, rationally, that it is all part of the learning process, but it makes it hard to promote it.
How does a neurotic go about self promotion? My every instinct is to just brush it off. Just the other day, a friend asked me about the book and I could not bring myself to say anything much about it. I can’t even make myself post links or anything about it on the writer’s groups I belong to on Facebook, even on the days where everyone is doing it. I am not a salesman at all.
It is kind of a shame though, we worked really hard on that story and I should be proud of it, but I let myself get in the way. I need to think of a way to promote it, without feeling like I am promoting me. The whole look at me aspect is really hard. I understand Idun’s resistance to self-promotion, it is a cultural thing for her, but as an American, should I not be better at this?
OK, I know this is going to sound silly, but are there real life incubi? I am half kidding of course, but only half. It seems that one of my coworkers has a very strange effect on the men in the office. I and the other women seem to be immune, or at least mostly immune to this strange attraction. I have had a friend agree that my lack of murderous urges towards this individual may indicate I am not totally immune since that may be as good as it gets where I am concerned.
The guys all flock around, eager to share their stories every morning and every break, after a weekend is absurd since I can hardly work for all the gawkers flocking to their desk. When the object of their affection is out of the office whether for work or vacation they constantly ask each other if they have gotten a call or text, the invent reasons to email and call several times a day. Invites for lunches and after hours drinks are constant and refusal is met is disappointment and attempts to extract promises to join them soon.
So tell me, who are you picturing? A 20 something young woman, blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs and DDD breasts? Maybe a tall, lithe, red-head that would be a shoo-in to be cast as a Feanorian in a film adaptation of the Silmarillion? Maybe a 6’4” gangly father of three with a pot belly and in desperate need of a haircut? Wait, what?
If you guessed number three you are correct! The object of all this attention is a 39 year old man with three children and a wife. While I do not have gay-dar exactly, I really do not get that vibe off of him at all so that is not the main factor. Yet, every freaking man in the office is obsessed with him. There is nothing extraordinary about his appearance. He is tall, but so are a lot of guys. He is only slightly overweight, so that is better than some of them but certainly nothing to write home about. What is the attraction? He is one of the few competent people in the department, and that is why I have not planned how I want to kill him yet, but is that enough to get all the men interested? I would like to say he was some kind of natural alpha male, but that is not the case at all, he is quiet, dorky, and not really into leading as far as I can tell.
Now to the point of why this is relevant at all to me, other than it is sometimes really amusing and sometimes really annoying. I have been wrestling with an issue I had with one of my main characters in Kryos. I say mine because we each had our favorites that we did the primary writing for. Ezra and Miika were mine; Hunter and Winter were Idun’s. My issue was with Ezra (I had many many issues with Miika, but that is another story.) was his insane appeal to everyone he met. It is hinted at in the end why that is, but I sometimes wondered if it was just too over the top. Too silly. No one is THAT appealing and if they were surely it would be noticed and commented upon making him more visible than he wanted. I worried that I had pushed too far, even for something that is related to the incubi (is that a spoiler? Probably not, I imagine none of you have read Kryos, I am not that vain.).
But this bizarre drama being played out at work has proven that these people do exist and most importantly, everyone is blind to what is happening. I got snarky one day (who me? No way!) and said something snide about it to one of the guys and he got on board with that everyone was acting odd, but refused to see it in himself. This is the guy that calls me daily when he travels to check on his man crush. It is nearly invisible. Ezra would not have been exposed or put in danger by it. I accidentally wrote it right. Or maybe not accidentally, this has been going on for a while, maybe it was subconscious. Thank you office man-crush. I hope you enjoy being written into a novel with gay sex, violence, and angst!
We got our first review on Goodreads. Not great, but it could have been worse. Not sure how I feel about it. On one hand I feel glad that it wasn’t just “It sucks, don’t waste your time.” On the other, I wish it had been better.
I realize I am just being insecure and neurotic. I know I have a LOT to learn still before I can call myself a writer. Just means I need to try even harder next time. I am really just grateful that someone read it.
-Heather and Idun