July 6th – Camp NANO

Wow, I am behind.

Prompt: Bad date escape plan.

Character: A spy

Gerald had never really thought about what the inside of the jail looked like, his curiosity just did not extend in that direction. Now that he knew, he really wished he did not. The walls were a depressing blue grey color in his cell, but better than the cold minty green of the room where he handed over his possessions and had his photo taken before the woman with the rough hands forcefully rolled his fingers through black ink before crushing them to the card already labeled with his name, birthdate, and address. The entire experience had been humiliating and surreal.

He decided the aesthetics of the place were really these least of his worries as he listed to the man in the next cell retching violently for the umpteenth time in only an hour. The place reeked of body odor, vomit, alcohol, and cheap cleaners. This may actually be hell he decided.

Gerald did not bother looking up when the door to his cell opened and a new occupant was unceremoniously dumped inside. Probably another drunk driver, he figured, still staring at his feet and wondering how his life had turned out so wrong.

“Hey, mate,” The smooth voice of his new cellmate interrupted his morose thoughts, but he refused to acknowledge the man. “What are you in here for?” Gerald still didn’t react when the man sat next to him, stretching his legs out. “Surely it can’t be that bad. You can tell me, mate.”

Gerald slowly looked to his right, a man in a clean, button down shirt in a light pink sat next to him, calmly smiling at him like they were sitting at a bar.

“They think I killed my boss,” Gerald admitted.

“Well, that sure sounds a bit more dire than mine.” The man never quit smiling. “All I did was get out of the worst date in the history of the western world by starting a fight at a bar. It was a pretty awesome fight though.” He held out his right hand to Gerald, showing him the abraded knuckles, already showing signs of bruising. “By the time the police arrived most of the guys at O’Mally’s were involved and my date had hightailed it home. I may be a genius.”

Gerald sat there staring at the man in total incomprehension. “You got yourself arrested to get out of a bad date?”

“Always have an escape plan, that’s my motto. I just feel bad for the bloke I socked. Andy seemed like an ok guy, it really wasn’t his fault. I hope he wasn’t worried about his nose staying straight.” Gerald hoped the name was coincidence, but knowing Andy’s penchant for attraction trouble, he had a bad feeling that it probably was not.

“How was that a good plan?”

“It is a brilliant plan!” The man’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “They’ll be here to take me home any time now. They can’t hold me for long.”

“I think you are crazier than I am,” Gerald said, not bothering to hide his derision. “You start a brawl at a bar to get out of a sucky date and then expect them to just let you go? You are a menace.” He didn’t get to continue because the door opened again and weary looking officer came into the room.

“OK, Bart, off you go. Let’s try to not see you again soon.” The man, presumably Bart, bounced to his feet and quickly smoothed out some non-existent wrinkles. “Right then, Bobby. Take good care of my pal here, right?” He jerked his thumb back over his shoulder at Gerald. “Sounds like he is having a bit of a bad night.” With that he sauntered out like he was just leaving a restaurant or his own house.

“What just happened?” The officer ignored Gerald and he heard the door lock behind the man. He was alone with his thoughts again and he let them wander where they would. It was going to be a long night, he was sure of it. A long night of vomiting drunks and British men who started fights I bar with no consequences. He was living in a very strange world now. How had this happened, his life had been so boring up until just a couple weeks ago.

He did not have long to stew in his thoughts as the door opened again and let in yet another new inmate. This man looked even more upper class than Bart. He wore a tuxedo jacket complete with a black tie and red cummerbund.

Gerald had no interest in anything right now, but he felt a mild pique of interest at the man’s strange behavior. As soon as the door clanked shut behind him the elegantly dressed man immediately dropped to his knees and started poking around under the bench Gerald sat on, he then moved on to the small sink and god forsaken toilet.

“Where did he put it?” The man finally stood up and gave his knees a cursory dusting.

“I do not feel much compulsion to speak to you, since you are obviously either mad, or a hallucination,” Gerald groused.

“Don’t be ab aby.” The man wrinkled his nose in a prissy manner as he noticed his now dirty finger nails. “I know who he was and so do you, did he give it to you?”

“Did who give what to me?” He knew he would regret asking that the moment the words left his mouth.

“Bartholomew, you twat.” The man was getting agitated and Gerald wondered if it was wise to not play along to mollify the strange little man. “Did he give you the films or did he hide them in here somewhere?”

“I have no interest in playing cloak and dagger with you.” Gerald meant it. He thought his life could not get weirder, but every moment proved him wrong.

The man in the tux got very close to Gerald, placing his face near inches from his. “This is no game, Gerald, and you are better off remembering that. This is the real deal, he is a real spy and you are in possession of real information that this government needs. Hand it over.” The last words were punctuated with a splattering of frothy spit. Gerald was beginning to think he might need a rabies shot after this encounter.

He was spared from answering by the door opening again, but this time no new cellmate came in, just the tired looking guard. He looked at Gerald and the now red-faced man and sighed.

“Gerald Davis?”

“Yes?” Gerald did not mean for his answer to be a question, but he really was not even sure of his own name right now.

“Come with me, your brother is bailing you out.” Gerald sat there blinking at the man in disbelief. He didn’t have a brother. It was probably another insane mix up, but if it meant getting out of here and away from double O nut job he was going to take it.

It was not until after he was being led down the too bright hallway that he started to wonder how the man in the cell had known his name.


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