How do you do it? I cannot figure it out. I have never tried to hide the fact that I am as neurotic as a person can be and still be considered functional. I can can get myself worked up and stressed out over anything. It is really absurd. Today I did it just by submitting a short story to a contest. That is something that should be fun, or exciting, but as soon as I clicked the last button I started on the negative self talk.
“That was stupid, there is no way it is good enough.”
“What makes you think you are actually a writer?”
“You should not have wasted those poor people’s time with your ridiculous story.”
The list goes on and on. I still am not sure how I ever got the courage up to submit Kryos with Idun. Even now that the book is published I still can hardly accept it. All I can see are the flaws and the mistakes. I know, rationally, that it is all part of the learning process, but it makes it hard to promote it.
How does a neurotic go about self promotion? My every instinct is to just brush it off. Just the other day, a friend asked me about the book and I could not bring myself to say anything much about it. I can’t even make myself post links or anything about it on the writer’s groups I belong to on Facebook, even on the days where everyone is doing it. I am not a salesman at all.
It is kind of a shame though, we worked really hard on that story and I should be proud of it, but I let myself get in the way. I need to think of a way to promote it, without feeling like I am promoting me. The whole look at me aspect is really hard. I understand Idun’s resistance to self-promotion, it is a cultural thing for her, but as an American, should I not be better at this?