Self Promotion

How do you do it? I cannot figure it out. I have never tried to hide the fact that I am as neurotic as a person can be and still be considered functional. I can can get myself worked up and stressed out over anything. It is really absurd.  Today I did it just by submitting a short story to a contest.  That is something that should be fun, or exciting, but as soon as I clicked the last button I started on the negative self talk.

“That was stupid, there is no way it is good enough.”

“What makes you think you are actually a writer?”

“You should not have wasted those poor people’s time with your ridiculous story.”

The list goes on and on. I still am not sure how I ever got the courage up to submit Kryos with Idun. Even now that the book is published I still can hardly accept it.  All I can see are the flaws and the mistakes.  I know, rationally, that it is all part of the learning process, but it makes it hard to promote it.

How does a neurotic go about self promotion? My every instinct is to just brush it off.  Just the other day, a friend asked me about the book and I could not bring myself to say anything much about it. I can’t even make myself post links or anything about it on the writer’s groups I belong to on Facebook, even on the days where everyone is doing it. I am not a salesman at all.

It is kind of a shame though, we worked really hard on that story and I should be proud of it, but I let myself get in the way. I need to think of a way to promote it, without feeling like I am promoting me.  The whole look at me aspect is really hard. I understand Idun’s resistance to self-promotion, it is a cultural thing for her, but as an American, should I not be better at this?

~Heather

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Been off line

I had some minor surgery (Rotator cuff repair) on the 23rd, and was not able to type with the brace on my arm. I have received permission to remove the brace if I am at home and being very careful so that means I can type! Yay!  However, never having had surgery before, I was unaware that post surgical depression was a possibility.  Depression is something I have struggled with my entire adult life, but I had no idea this would make it worse. It is not the pain.

I have had astonishingly little pain (Everyone warned me before hand that this was going to be horrible and i was going to be in agony) even now when I am running out of the post op meds.  I have some pain, nothing crazy though. The healing is going great. There is nothing to be depressed about.  I assume that the stomach trouble brought on the by the pain killers, mixed with nausea from some antibiotics, and my now sedentary lifestyle (I exercised 7 to 8 hours a week before the surgery) must all be contributing.

The worst part. Today is the first day of NANO and I am feeling too shitty to work on my project. 😦 I finally had to call my sister, crying because I felt so bad.  This sucks.  I am determined to at least start my project tonight. I don’t want to fail on the first day!

Happy NANO to everyone participating!

~Heather